Intellectual Claustrophobia

This topic is not donated.  Today I have reached the end of a road that I was hoping I wasn't going down.  I have come to understand another consequence of the recent changes in my life.  I know how to fix it and guess what? it's diarrhea of the mouth.  So please stop reading now, the rest of this isn't likely to make much sense.

I am a relatively intelligent person.  However I have discovered that after fixing the majority of problems in my life that I am happy, but lack satisfaction.  I have become addicted over the years to having difficult problems to solve and then solving them.  I now look at a marriage that is working right, other personal relationships with friends and family on the track to working right and find myself trapped alone in my own thoughts.  Without having problems to solve my big brain is lost and starts working on problems that I've already determined don't have a resolution.

I work in IT, and specifically as a consultant.  Much of the work we do is emergency technical support when it all goes horribly wrong.  These complicated puzzles are commonly asked to be solved without the right tools required to fix it correctly and they require skill and knowledge to resolve that is rather uncommon.  These tests of knowledge and skill are just the right sort of work for me.  Thinking outside the box to come up with a solution to a previously 'unsolvable' problem.  However recently my company has had little of this sort of work available and most of the work I'm left with has the opposite effect of satiating my creative need to solve difficult problems. Rather they require patience and little skill to successfully complete..  So work is not providing my mind currently anything to do.

As I mentioned before, my personal life over the past few months was a bit chaotic but now that the dust has settled I'm left with a huge pile of resolved problems and only a few loose ends that have been categorized as not worth it to solve.  It doesn't meant that I don't still try from time to time, but these loose ends are usually exercises in futility.  So my personal life provides no interesting problems to solve.

So both my personal and professional life are free of problems that actually can be solved and I'm left with a conundrum.  Do I try to solve the problems that I know can't really be fixed and frustrate people, or do sit and try to enjoy my success?  I choose to try to enjoy my success but discovered that with nothing external for my brain to work on it starts working on the inside.  A complex mind capable of solving very complex technical and human related problems now left with nothing to feed on starts feeding on it self.  I mentioned a few weeks ago that I found the source of my crazy and this is it.  I am stuck in my own mind and thoughts with no real outlet.  I have no problems to solve, and I have no one (besides my wife and my snickerdoodle) who I can actually talk to to try to get these complex disorganized thoughts out of my head.  On top of that my wife and snickerdoodle are so busy and tired of listening to my crazy that I have worn out their welcome.  Oh how I miss the days when my best friends could be there when I needed them to vent, discuss, and talk to.

What I think this all boils down to is that this campaign to fix everything was too successful and now I'm left with an over active mind desperately trying to find something to occupy itself with which is driving me crazy.  I'm not asking for a new problem to work on, I just need to find a positive place to focus this energy before it destroys me.  I've looked into hobbies and projects but nothing seems to fit.  Perhaps I just need to do what most people do which is emotionally lobotomize myself and stop caring/trying.

P.S.  Before you start Sue I know what you're going to say.  Consider your previous advice on this subject present and accounted for. :)